Even if someone you love(d) broke your heart real bad you shouldn’t go around talking shit about them or sharing things with others about them. If you really love(d) them you’d try to maintain their dignity and not tell everyone about their mistakes and faults hoping they have a good future and are happy regardless of whether it is with you or without you.
When you love someone very deeply you become one with them, their happiness is yours, their sadness is yours, and so is their reputation. People make stupid mistakes, they lie to someone they love, they hide things from someone they love, they cheat on someone they love, they become distrusting…sometimes they become everything you hoped they wouldn’t be. And then you wonder why this happened to you, you wonder who this person is standing in front you. You don’t recognise him/her anymore as they’ve become someone else and you no longer see the person you deeply fell for in them, not even a tiny fleck. Realising all this makes you angry, angry towards that person you loved, angry towards yourself you feel worthless as if you are not good enough for the person, you feel like it’s all your fault, you become overwhelmed, you become confused and your brain is simply not helping you think practically. You become a cluster of thoughts and emotions, swinging back and forth in all directions filled with heightened anger, pain, weakness, shame and numbness. You start realising that crying no longer helps to ease the pain, it may for just a small period of time but then it all comes rushing back and it hits even harder.
You don’t feel like talking to anyone, you don’t feel like doing anything anymore, you are just barely alive. All your ambitions and goals you had for your future become meaningless and blur away making you feel worthless over the fact that you are so uninspired and apathetic about everything. This is when you let your overthinking take over, you think to yourself…”I’m worthless, I’m useless, no one needs me, I don’t have a future, my love life came to an end obviously I wasn’t good enough for him/her, what’s the point of living?, I don’t need this life, I don’t want to feel pain every second of my life, no one will miss me when I’m gone anyway, it’s just me against the whole world and I can’t handle this, I won’t come out of this, I still love him/her, I can’t get over him/her, I still have hope that he/she will come back to me, He/She is the only one who can fix me and make me happy nothing else will help me, but how long can I wait?, I’m drowning already, how much longer can I hold on? I’m weak…help me! ” …and the days seem longer than ever and there’s the night; your best friend and your worst enemy, to make things worse or better.
You contemplate your life you start seeing two choices either live through this never ending pain or end it. People around you become worried about you, they care about you, they love you and you know that but that doesn’t help you. You are craving the love of her/him only and you have lost your happiness to them. Your friends are worried, they try to talk some sense into you, if you are lucky enough you have that one friend that tries to console you and never gives up even if they fail to help you every time they have tried with the hope that they might be making some progress. You don’t realise it but you gain some clarity but then it may be a false clarity but you don’t know that. Your friends are going to say things that you will like, that will help lift off some of the pain and things that they say may be in your favour. Your friends are not going to point out your mistakes or defend your lover at that time, they are going to do everything to console just you and make you feel better. This is where you start to realise that it never was your fault, instead it was all his/her fault. Your anger becomes diverted to them, you feel hate and you become disgusted by the person you once loved. “He/She is to blame, they have done you wrong, they are your worst enemy, you deserve better mate, can’t believe he/she did that to you!” these are the kinds of words you will hear from your friends. It may be true but then again there is always another side to the story isn’t there?
This is the point where some people start the process of healing, they start talking and venting to people about the person they loved and how they have done you wrong…a lot of hate speech comes along with it. Every person you have told about your ex-lover has a very degrading impression on that person, they are seen as either a douchebag, slut, player, bitch etc. Those words may be justified by their actions, but did you once stop and think that you once deeply loved this person? Yes, they may have done you wrong but do they deserve to be seen like the worst person to be alive through others’ eyes? Remember that you cared about this person’s happiness, future, goals, success and reputation. It is understandable that you want people to see the truth about him/her and that you are not to blame. It is human nature to demean someone who wronged you to make yourself feel better, because it is too much for the soul to take if you try to be understanding and justify their actions and mistakes saying that they had a reason and that everyone makes mistakes all the time regardless whether he/she is a great person. You rather feel better when you talk about them in a low nature, and share their most vulnerable side to others because you unconsciously are also seeking empathy by doing that. But is that fair? People do change, people do make mistakes, but that does not change the fact that you did love that person before they have changed. You were one with them, you shared amazing moments with that being, you saw a future together, you told each other your deepest secrets, you kept each other happy and you wanted a great future for each other and you wouldn’t let anyone talk low of on another, so then why now?
Even if that person has wronged you, and has broken your heart into thousand pieces that person meant something to you, and true love never dies…well the connection may be lost you may not feel the same things but it is there deep down, having said that shouldn’t you always care for that person’s well-being even if there is a reason to hate them? When you love someone, you have to let them go when things don’t look good for the both of you but letting go doesn’t mean you should stop caring for them. Especially when you get cheated on, it is the worst case…that person broke your trust, they were disloyal to you and disregarded your love for someone/ something else…a mature thing to do is let them go because it is better for you and for that person and just hope they are happier elsewhere and with someone else. That also means you should maintain their dignity and reputation and spare talking about their personal things and talk to others about all their flaws, and mistakes just so other people don’t look down on them even if you know their faults. This will quicken the process of letting go of the emotions associated to the heart break (anger, pain, betrayal etc.) and you yourself will feel at peace when you just let them be and not talk about them and just hope the best for them.
At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason and clearly this lover wasn’t meant to be your life-long lover and there is someone much suitable out there waiting to be united with you. You may ask yourself after finding your true match why you didn’t find him/her earlier way before your ex-lover…but things wouldn’t be the same if you did. You wouldn’t have learned all these lessons, you wouldn’t have learned to appreciate things without having lost them, everything that passes by and gives us hardship is to harden and make us stronger for when we fight our worst battle. Anyway, point being just don’t talk low of people who have passed through they came into your life to teach a lesson and you once valued them so much that you felt like you couldn’t live without them.
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